The Peacemaker

I want so much
to be easier
to love--
to start
from square one
less often,
to be held to fewer
expectations,
a tide
whose only job
is coming in,
not to polish and refine.
Because I can't anymore.
I can't inspire
or crack a loaf
of bread over my knee,
and say, "Here,
be at peace
with me.
Settle
for my limitations."
I will not be well again,
but it's so difficult
to know
that healing
is not an option.
I want so much
to not be difficult.
I want the routine
of joy without
sacrifice--
no more
blood in the bowl,
a tide
that only rushes
past.