Skillbuilding

The skills we leave off our résumés:

• kicking people when they're down;
• awkwardly responding, "you too!" when told, "enjoy the movie!" or "have a good day in class" when the other person isn't doing those things;
• getting paper instead of plastic;
• successfully folding a fitted sheet;
• eating;
• clogging the toilet with too much toilet paper;
• waking up today;
• apologizing as a knee-jerk reaction;
• giving windows that "streak-free shine" with the first attempt;
• saying anything other than, "I'm good, and you?" when asked how you are;
• doing awful privileged person things that make you cringe when other privileged people do them;
• delivering decent blowjobs;
• taking medicine with food at proper intervals;
• picketing;
• packing light;
• standing between two people who are fighting to block the blows;
• having a pair of tweezers in every room and in the car, for brow and misc emergencies;
• embracing my "crazy";
• properly using the Oxford comma;
• smiling no matter what;
• even if I don't want to;
• even if I don't owe you one.