No one is introducing new information to me by calling me fat, and despite reclaiming the label for myself, it does still sting to hear it over and over from people who are not fat.
Today, I was reminded of why I rarely post full-body pictures of myself on social media. I worry about the comments. And, sure enough, after posting some photos from my recent travels, I received some comments about my large body, that I look "swollen," as if many bees had stung me and "left me to die."
Existing while fat is obnoxious. I am regularly made to feel undesirable, stupid, and inferior because of my size. I want to love and respect myself, but there have been many obstacles in my way. Some of those obstacles have been misconceptions about fat folks, etc, but some of those obstacles have been actual people in my life, saying things to me that replay in my mind.
Ugly comments make me feel ugly. And when ugly comments are abundant, they feel truthful. And it's hard to love myself and have something else, something positive, be truthful when I'm overwhelmed by discouragement.
So, there are outside factors that determine low self-esteem, and all the positive self-talk in the world can only do so much to reframe and resituate one's perceptions. If you are someone who hates fat people, maybe take a moment to consider how you may be impacting someone else's life and well being.
To be clear, I and others like me aren't asking to be coddled, but laying off the online and offline comments about someone's weight might be cool, because our bodies are our business, and many of us are doing a lot to try to keep said business open and (quasi) flourishing. Patronize us if you want, but fuck you.
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