I don't know where else to put this, so here goes nothing. I'm tired of not knowing who my true friends are until something difficult happens.
In my last entry, I talked about understanding why people don't want to be my friend after enduring hardship and deciding they can't handle it. But just because I get it doesn't mean that it's somehow less painful. There are people in my life who like me when I'm funny and fun to hang out with. When I'm having a difficult time, when I'm in and out of doctors' offices and wanting someone to talk to, some of them are nowhere to be found. When I can't entertain them, it seems like they want nothing to do with me.
I'm not asking for anyone to take care of me. I'm not asking for anything but some sort of indication that I mean something to them. I'm grateful to the friends who have reached out to me since my newest diagnosis. It makes me feel less alone in dealing with this. But some of the family and friends who have remained silent this summer have surprised me. In writing this, I feel passive aggressive and petty, but I don't know how else to express my frustration at this time with people who won't communicate with me.
When other means of reaching out become ineffective, what other options do I have?