28 October 2015

Skillbuilding

The skills we leave off our résumés:
  • kicking people when they're down;
  • awkwardly responding, "you too!" when told, "enjoy the movie!" or "have a good day in class" when the other person isn't doing those things;
  • getting paper instead of plastic;
  • successfully folding a fitted sheet;
  • eating;
  • clogging the toilet with too much toilet paper;
  • waking up today;
  • apologizing as a knee-jerk reaction;
  • giving windows that "streak-free shine" with the first attempt;
  • saying anything other than, "I'm good, and you?" when asked how you are;
  • doing awful privileged person things that make you cringe when other privileged people do them;
  • delivering decent blowjobs;
  • taking medicine with food at proper intervals;
  • picketing;
  • packing light;
  • standing between two people who are fighting to block the blows;
  • having a pair of tweezers in every room and in the car, for brow and misc emergencies;
  • embracing my "crazy";
  • properly using the Oxford comma;
  • smiling no matter what;
    • even if I don't want to;
    • even if I don't owe you one.

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